Letter to Sanidhya, Memory of Darkest Day

My Dearest Beta,

Yesterday symbolizes the darkest day for me, when both of us were separated. The dark memory of captivity for both of us, and then touch of your fingertips with mine as we were forced apart, still haunts me. I never ever wanted you to be in such a place, but it happened and it was extremely insensitive and painful and it was very unfortunate experience forced on us. But it happened and sometimes we have to live with it.

I was once told in my geography class that every tide small or big ultimately dies down. I don’t know when this tide of separation will calm down. But as written in all my letters my breath is symbolic of ‘my hope to see you’ and is perfumed with your memories. Here is a small poem which symbolizes my state of hope and survival and truth and life:

{
When all about me is black with gloom,
And all I feel is pending doom.
When my bones are racked with grim despair
When every breath is a gasp for air.
I keep on going, though I need to grope,
For around the bend is a ray of hope.

A ray of hope is perhaps all that's left,
As my will to live has been bereft.
I've lost it all, it's just no use!
I can end it all, I need no excuse.
But my inner-self tells me not to throw away that piece of rope,
My selfless love for you gives me a chance of hope.

I live and pray for an another day,
Brushing aside what my thoughts may say.
I make everyday a new start,
By ignoring the brain, I just follow the heart.
Taking baby steps in order to cope,
And minute by minute I'll build on my hope.

Though the road is steep and hard to climb.
The hurts of the past hurt but feelings are not dead,
the fears of the future are all in my head.
I will live in the present and refuse to mope.
I know life will sparkle for I’m living in hope.
For I’m living in hope…
}
Some of the baby steps that I have taken have been crushed and their marks were wiped as it happened again when your Dadaji again tried to meet you. But as before it didn’t happened and I can feel the strains of pain on his forehead. Though he was promised a ray of hope that he will be allowed to hear your voice. But alas! This wait and false promise also became another bead in the necklace of disappointed-hopes; dead and sad, but still very precious because as it symbolized once a vibrant pearl of a hope which provided a breath of life, to few living beings who remember you and pray for you everyday and every moment.

I hope and pray that my letters will take me to you or one day they may take you to truth and to your roots.

Did you received and enjoyed the sweets which Dadaji brought for you? Did you receive the toys also? It would have been such a joyous occasion if Dadaji would have been allowed to see you and play with you? I just fail to understand the rationale of not allowing a Grandfather who travels all the way, to meet his Grandchild. But any way your Dadaji as always is far above all the egos, human distorted behaviors and fears. It is this honesty and kindness which makes me very proud of him, and that’s why everyone calls him Dadaji wherever he goes and which ever kind soul he touches.

My and your Dadaji’s and Dadiji’s prayers for you will reach you, protect you and fulfill your body and soul with bliss. God who is my Lord will be with you as your savior, protector and director. He will help you to accomplish what you are destined and will bring prosperity to you and bliss to your soul.

Om !

Your Father,
Ravi